So I am new to all this and I have just had a crappy year so far(more like 5) and I am sure this is nothing new in the world. But, I just need to get it off my chest and out into the universe. I would love to go stand in a field and just scream my head off, but that might get me shot these days. Also please do not be upset over my grammar and spelling.

January 

Let's start on the beginning, January 5th, 2019. I get home from work like almost every other day. I go to the computer to pay some bills and check my email. There I find a message thread from my husband talking about making out with a girl he hooked up with over Christmas. I knew he was going to visit friends and see some family. I couldn't go because I had to work. I was taken back to find all this out and just sat at the computer for a few minutes doing the Travolta from Pulp Fiction. ( I am sure you have all seen the gif) Should I say something on the chat thread or wake his sorry ass up. Then I read more and more, not a good idea.

I decided to wake him up and have at it. I went through all 5 stages of grief in about 4 hours. I had no clue about any of it. I was working 2 jobs going to Nursing School and trying to take care of the house too, not like that was an excuse but I didn't think I was a neglectful wife. I am sure that any woman who was cheated on knows exactly what I was thinking and happening. We were still having sex, telling each other we loved each other and promised that we were going old together. (little more backstory, I found a lump in my right middle finger and was scared it was cancer). We spent the entire weekend talking and crying also no sleep. He told me it was just a kiss and nothing else, he said he still loved me and it was just a mistake.  I stayed with him and got ready to start the next round of classes on Monday. I tried to put it behind me and move on, we were married and I loved him

March

We are getting better and things are good, he is not talking to her and had no contact so I am thinking that was the end of it. Till two days before my NHA Phlebotomy exam. We get a package in the mail from the girl. I was my CD and blanket, which I was told he left at his brother's house over the holidays and would get it back next visit.  It smelled of her, which made me sick to my stomach. I asked him about it and why she had it. Apparently, they were in love and he was going to leave me and start over with her. I found out that there was more of the sexual relationship going on then I fist new about.  

At this point, I am broken all over again and not sure if I can handle it or just lose it. I suck it up because we have come this far and I am not ready to give up yet. Nothing new has been going on and he has been good, he gave up the game that started it all and took himself out of the situation. At this point, I just need to know if there is anything else I should worry about, get it all out now so I am not blindsided again.  He tells me no and that he will spend the rest of his life making me happy. So I swallowed my guts and forgave him. 

May

I am back to feeling safe and happy, working in my new carer, getting the bills paid and starting to plan a vacation. That didn't last long, strike 3 pops up. I get a random text from a number I do not know. Its a dick pic of my husband, saying that I wasn't the first there have been four of five others. I noticed the date on the picture is from October 2018. I am thinking what a relief it's not something new. Then it got me thinking, four or five. WFT!!! I send him a copy of the picture and waited for him to call. If you noticed by the date it is still early in May, so it is a very fresh wound again. We spend the whole day going back and forth about it. I found out that it has been going on since 2017 but it started small and August/ September of 2018 is when the hot and heavy started. I have been pacing and trying to figure out what to do. Do I stay or do I go. I guess as soon as I figure it out I'll let you all know.

Its still May and I have a bit of an update, I did it. I snooped through everything. I just couldn't take wondering anymore. It is worse then I thought. Since 2017 he has been sexting other women. No nudie pictures but talking about what he wants to do to them and have them do back. It is creeping me out and I don't even want him to touch me right now.  Now I have flirted online with some of my guy friends and joked around, even asked them for some advice but this just seems like it went a little too far. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to someone who isn't my Mom so bad, but I don't know who.